The Oprah Taping

The Oprah taping when quite well. I arrived in plenty of time and Oprah bustled into the green room where I waited just to make sure I was comfortable. I guess she usually doesn’t do this herself, but it does show how fond she is of Kukka-Maria.

The first part of the show went well with Oprah asking me questions about the catnip lobby.

O: I’m told by my dear, dear friend, Kukka-Maria that you have been approached by the catnip lobby. I haven’t heard of them before.

ME: Well, Oprah, I’m not surprised. For a long time the catnip lobby was little known and poorly financed. However, they are growing. The recent increase in cats owning humans has helped a great deal.

O: Is it the catnip lobby that is requesting you run for office?

ME: LOL! Heaven’s no! How cute. I decided to run for president. They have just approached me about my policies. Word is spreading via blogs that I am planning a bid. I don’t want to peak too soon, but as a cat I’ll have many issues of specism to overcome and I think it’s appropriate for me to get the idea out there early.

From here the interview degenerated.

O: So you are a friend of my dear, dear friend, Kukka-Maria. Tell us more about her.

ME: HUH?

Okay, so wasn’t this hour supposed to be about me?! Hello. I demurred and said something to the effect that Kukka-Maria is a wonderful being.

O: Tell me, when it’s just cat to cat, what’s Kukka-Maria really like.

ME: EXCUSE ME?!

Really, how do you answer that? Should I have said, she licks her touchie just like the rest of us? Oprah, what were you looking for?

Instead, I said nothing, just fixing Oprah with “the stare” and we all know what that is. Oprah quickly moved on from that line of questioning.

When she took calls and allowed me to expound upon my ideas for the world, Al Gore called in and pledged to support me, and inserting my ideas into the next talk he gives. Hilary, not to be outdone, called and BEGGED to be my running mate. However, Hilary just isn’t what I’m looking for. Even in that brief chat she showed her slightly specist colors.

Tom Cruise called and again asked me about Kukka-Maria. Can’t the man let go already?

Phil got a guest spot when they showed the footage from the Amazing Zeus. He made a call to Zeus, but alas Zeus’ human pet picked up the phone and she fainted dead away when Phil told her who was calling.

The Dalai Lama called in, but I don’t speak Tibetan so it was a difficult conversation. I believe I have his well wishes. No doubt my solutions to pet overpopulation and the concepts that all sentient creatures need to be treated well perked his interest. While he’s not someone who can support me in my bid for the US presidency, he could be useful later when I work to achieve total world domination–but that won’t happen until the second term and I don’t want to scare the humans and speak too much of that.

So I now have some down time to work on my upcoming chat with Melinda Gates on Friday.

Comments

  1. Celebrities – they are so rude sometimes. Hopes your meeting wif Mrs Gates goes well! – Sammy

  2. You’re getting quite a few big name people in your corner. Good work. I see on the news this morning that the Gates’ are going to give more of their b’squillions away. Maybe they could throw some in your direction?

    George

  3. I can not thank you enough for protecting me from those nosey celebrities! I swear, Chey…when you become president it won’t take long for yout tire of their constant meddling. If it isn’t the paparazzi, it’s Oprah and Tom. “Kukka! Come spend time with me!” “Kukka, will you take a photo with baby Suri?”

    I’m just glad I won’t have to deal with the hyper-political Sharon Stone like you will. Buckle up, Chey, for it’s a bumpy ride ahead.

    Thanks again for having my back and not divulging personal information about me. I will always guard you, as well.

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